Now You Are Fit to Bed That and More if You Laugh Again Quote Meaning
You know how the proverb goes: Laughter is the best medicine. And there's so much truth to that old adage. If you're having a bad twenty-four hours, or if someone you love needs a little auspicious up, sense of humor can help ease the tension and create a petty pocket of joy amid life's stresses.
This collection of funny quotes provides an array of ways to trigger that smile and turn around someone's lousy mood. (Even if that someone is you!) We've got funny quotes about love, matrimony, aging, parenting, and then many more relatable topics. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even just to print and hang above your desk to serve as a piffling reminder that life's non that serious — and nosotros're all much better off laughing so we don't cry!
These funny quotes come up from famous comedians similar Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. You'll also find laugh-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms like The Office, and funny-only-oh-and so-wise movies like Steel Magnolias. And then enjoy our list and bookmark it to come back to anytime you lot demand a express mirth.
Looking for more inspiration? Cheque out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes about life.
Funny Quotes About Life
one. "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's 1 of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Office
2. "There is no sunrise then beautiful that information technology is worth waking me upwardly to see it."
―Mindy Kaling
3. "I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
—W.C. Fields
4. "People say money is not the key to happiness, merely I accept e'er figured if you have plenty money, you tin can have a key fabricated."
—Joan Rivers
5. "Do not take life also seriously. You volition never go out of it alive."
—Elbert Hubbard
6. "I generally avoid temptation unless I tin't resist it."
―Mae West
vii. "Sometimes you lot lie in bed at night and yous don't take a single matter to worry nigh. That always worries me!"
—Charlie Brown
8. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is truthful."
—James Branch Cabell
9. "I'm killing fourth dimension while I look for life to shower me with significant and happiness."
―Bill Watterson
10. "You only alive once, but if you exercise it correct, in one case is enough."
―Mae Due west
11. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No utilise being a damn fool about it."
―W.C. Fields
12. "I love flesh... information technology's people I tin can't stand!!"
― Charles Thousand. Schulz
13. "I call up God, in creating human, somewhat overestimated his ability."
―Oscar Wilde
14. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Piece of cake. Both. I want people to be agape of how much they love me."
—Michael Scott, The Office
15. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'one thousand non sure about the universe."
―Albert Einstein
sixteen. "When life gives y'all lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Decease is peaceful. It's the transition that'due south troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
18. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific."
—Lily Tomlin
19. "I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other mean solar day inside my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
xx. "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That'due south all I've always wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Office
21. "Whenever I'thou nearly to practise something, I call back, 'Would an idiot exercise that?' And if they would, I do not exercise that thing."
—Dwight Schrute, The Role
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you tin do the twenty-four hour period after tomorrow merely every bit well."
—Marking Twain
23. "I'm not crazy — I've simply been in a very bad mood for 40 years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, you know what they say: If y'all don't take annihilation overnice to say almost anybody, come sit by me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A adult female is similar a tea bag: You can't tell how strong she is until y'all put her in hot water."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, just what you want is someone who volition take the passenger vehicle with yous when the limo breaks down."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half equally good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I drink to make other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to run across us happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
30. "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bond you out. A best friend volition be in the cell side by side to yous maxim, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'm not offended by blonde jokes because I know I'yard non impaired. And I also know that I'k not blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I like my money where I can run across it: hanging in my closet."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
33. "Crying is for apparently women. Pretty women become shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Aureate Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Call back of your 3 all-time friends. If they're OK, then information technology's you lot." —Rita Mae Brown
35. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. Just they don't really know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink any'southward in the glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Gilt Girls
37. "I don't intendance what they say about me. I simply desire to swallow."
—Pam Beesly, The Office
38. "Don't waste then much fourth dimension thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, cocky-subversive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Even I don't wake upward looking like Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
xl. "I don't trust anyone who does their ain hair. I don't think it's natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes Nearly Crumbling
41. "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, swallow slowly, and prevarication nigh your historic period."
—Lucille Brawl
42. "Honey, fourth dimension marches on and eventually yous realize it is marchin' across your face."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "You know you've reached middle historic period when you're cautioned to slow downwardly by your dr., instead of by the police."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How y'all stay looking then young?' I say, well, practiced lighting, expert doctors, and good makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Wait, you didn't enquire me for my opinion, merely I'm former, so I'chiliad giving it anyhow."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
46. "No matter how bad things get, recollect these sage words: You lot're quondam, you sag, get over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
47. "You know yous're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." —George Burns
48. "Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "Equally you get older, 3 things happen. The first is your retentivity goes, and I can't remember the other two."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Marriage
fifty. "Before yous marry a person, you lot should first make them use a estimator with slow Internet service to see who they actually are."
—Volition Ferrell
51. "Women ally men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. Then each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I dearest you no thing what y'all practice, merely do you have to do so much of it?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Beloved is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The best mode to get nearly husbands to do something is to suggest that peradventure they're too old to do it."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "As a human in a relationship, you have a simple option. You tin either be right, or you can be happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Behind every swell human being is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The simply thing worse than being talked well-nigh is not being talked near."
—Oscar Wilde
60. "The older you get, the improve yous go. Unless you're a banana."
—Betty White
61. "If you lot can't be kind, at least be vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Anybody who tells you money can't purchase happiness never had any."
—Samuel 50. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Bill Watterson
64. "Don't be so humble — you are not that dandy."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a good chance to close upwardly."
―Will Rogers
66. "I've had bang-up success being a full idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Do things that make yous happy within the confines of the legal system."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company."
—Mark Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes too long."
—Carrie Fisher
70. "Don't go effectually saying the world owes yous a living. The globe owes you nix. It was hither outset."
—Marker Twain
71. "My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best."
―Winston S. Churchill
72. "All the things I like to practice are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the loftier road and how high it should exist should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If yous cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and so but deport similar they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you lot're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you lot should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of usa who exercise."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a human who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for information technology."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Money tin can't buy yous happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave usa 2 ends: One to sit down on and the other to recall with. Success depends on which one we utilise the most."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes About Parenting
80. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a prissy, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. And so I want to move in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "It is non like shooting fish in a barrel existence a mother. If it were piece of cake, fathers would practice it."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Aureate Girls
84. "Adults are e'er asking children what they want to exist when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "There is no such affair every bit fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to save the earth. No i wants to assist mom do the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes About Work
88. "Everything I have I owe to this job... this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job."
—Jim Halpert, The Office
89. "An office is a identify to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come truthful."
—Michael Scott, The Office
90. "So this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Office
91. "The best fashion to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework can't kill you, but why take the hazard?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later on you have to start all over again."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I similar work. It fascinates me. I tin can sit and look at it for hours."
―Jerome K. Jerome
95. "I always go far belatedly at the office, but I make upward for it by leaving early."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is similar being caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The just affair that e'er saturday its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Dark-brown
98. "You lot can't have a meg-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure."
—Mark Twain
100. "Even if you are on the right rail, you will get run over if you merely sit there."
—Will Rogers
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